Santa Be hittin the Schnapps > > Dear Santa > > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy alL > > yeer.YerFrend, > > BiLLy > > Dear Billy, > > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I > send > > you a > > f *** ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older > > > brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa > > > > Dear Santa, > > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace > and > > joy in the world for everybody! > > Love,Sarah > > Dear Sarah, > > Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa > > Dear Santa, > > I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my > mommy > > and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. > > Love, Teddy > > Dear Teddy, > > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a > hurricane. > > Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, > who > > rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get > you > > some nice Legos instead. Santa > > > > Dear Santa, > > I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum > > > kit, a pony and a tuba. > > Love,Francis > > Dear Francis, > > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa > > > > Dear Santa, > > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for > your > > reindeer outside the back door. > > Love, Susan > > Dear Susan, > > Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when > riding > > in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. > Santa > > > > Dear Santa, > > I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE > > PLEASE, could I have one? > > Timmy > > Timmy, > > That whiney begging sh ** may work with your folks, but that crap > doesn't > work > > with me. You're getting a sweater, again. Santa
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